Blogging Strogonoff - a humorous stand up comedy joke story about a blog job by Rob Hopcott

The morning was going quite well as Hoppy stumbled out of bed and down the stairs to make himself breakfast. He was even looking forward to using the bright new toaster which would be ideal to try out his great new recipe for Butter and Marmalade Toast.

'Butter and Marmalade Toast' was basically the same as ordinary toast, but Hopcott's idea was to put the butter and marmalade on before putting it in the toaster!

Considered by Hoppy as a truly revolutionary breakthrough in designer breakfasts, this was the first of his innovative recipes in his new cookbook, 'Cooking As You Never Thought Possible by Hopcott'.

Thankfully, this morning, Madame Hopcott was nowhere in sight to scream at him for some imagined misdemeanor and even Dacky the ever nippy feral dachshund was also missing so no need to run the gauntlet at top speed from the bedroom to the kitchen.

However, the message looped around the kitchen door handle looked ominous.

"Kitchen will be opened when you have a job and have earned some money, love Mrs H."

Experimentally, Hoppy tried the door but, as promised, it was locked.

Unfazed, Hoppy flopped in his slippers to the lounge and straight to the place under the mantelpiece clock that always had a few £5 notes hidden away. No money. Just a note.

"GET YOURSELF A FRIGGIN JOB, OR NO FOOD. Love Mrs H!"

An hour later, Hoppy was dressed but not breakfasted and the bird table nuts in the garden were beginning to look rather appetizing. However, moments later, who should turn up but Strogonoff, Hoppy's publisher?

"Morning Hoppy, you're looking a bit gaunt, today."

"I suppose you know what Madame Hopcott has done to me," said Hoppy, glumly.

"Locked you out of the kitchen, has she?" There was no hint of sympathy in Strogonoff's joviality.

"You know she has, it was probably your idea!"

Strogonoff just smiled beatifically.

"Well, anyway, Hoppy, you're in luck because I've got a job for you."

"What?"

"A job!"

"What sort of job?"

"A writing job."

"A writing job?"

"Yes, a writing job."

"You mean a writing job?"

"Yes, you sit down at a table with a computer and you write and I give you money - I appreciate for you, it's an alien concept."

"Yoh! Stroggy. Very funny! You should write the comedy and I'll come and listen to you. You'd have to pay me, though. What's the catch with this job?"

"There isn't a catch. One of my other clients needs his name networked around the Internet to get a bit of publicity for his new blockbuster 'Death of romance by A. N. Undertaker'. It's all about chick lit love in a mortuary. It'll be a smash hit.

"All you have to do is to visit lots of female blogger sites and talk with them about romance, love and similar whilst mentioning Undertaker's name. It'll be easy, women love that sort of thing. They'll be flocking over to his site in their droves and you always did have a way with the women."

"Er, I don't know I've got the blogging qualifications to be a blogger."

"Why is that?"

"My brain cells have never been exposed to crippling radiation."

"That's a good joke, Hoppy, but you shouldn't worry. You'll love it, just relax and enjoy the money!"

"Er, I'm a bit busy at the moment. Could I do it next year? You could let me have the money now, though. I'll need to prepare my mind - and maybe get a lobotomy - the job sounds about ten steps below ghostwriting. Perhaps Dacky could do the job better, or would that be considered as cruelty to a really dumb animal?"

"Absolutely not. I'll give you some money in advance but I'm not going to let you out of my sight until you're in my office and working. We'll pick up some food for you on the way over and you can eat it as you get down to work chatting up the women."

It has to be said that, when Hoppy sees the chips are on the table and he's hungry, he gives in fast and gives in gracefully. Hoppy also reckoned the oven ready chips he bought en route to Strogonoff's office would cook nicely in Strogonoff's office microwave.

As it turned out, Hoppy enjoyed the job so much, he worked overtime.

Eight hours later, a very Happy Hopcott sauntered into his favorite pub, The Brainless Burp, with a pocket full of money and the expectation of a very pleasant evening ahead.

His day in Strogonoff's office had, without any doubt, gone well!

Admittedly the oven ready chips had caught fire in the microwave, but then this sort of modern equipment was prone to failure, even when all precautions were followed, and despite Hoppy carefully wrapping the chips in kitchen foil.

The blogging really hadn't been very difficult. Admittedly, it was more typing than Hoppy was used to, since he hadn't written anything for a long time, but, once he got into the swing of chatting to the ladies, time had flown.

Being paid to chat up women was like work from paradise for Hoppy. He'd even wondered if Strogonoff might find some reason for not paying him, but Stroggy, as Hoppy affectionately called him when he was in good mood, hadn't even noticed the broken microwave.

In fact, Stroggy was in the best mood ever and even admitted to having spent lunchtime with Madame Hopcott, who he reassured Hoppy was also very cheerful and had sent her best wishes for Hoppy's success in his new job and the promise to open up the kitchen again in the evening.

Hoppy reflected that it was probably a good thing he wasn't the suspicious type.

One thing had puzzled Hoppy all day, though. As he lifted the first glass of foaming beer to his lips and eyed the new barmaid, he made a mental note to query a small detail with Strogonoff, if ever he was asked to do the job again.

What exactly was meant by the phrase he'd seen almost everywhere he went that day online before being transferred to chat with the women on the blog sites.

'Click here to Chat to gorgeous women on our premium line service ...'

Whatever it meant, Hoppy reckoned happily, Strogonoff deserved a premium service. He deserved absolutely the best ... And nothing but the best!

The End

Bye for now

Rob Hopcott, Online Humor Author

You may also be interested in Kiss Audition a humorous flash fiction by Rob Hopcott.

Or perhaps you could enjoy Rob Hopcott's other flash fiction stories, many humorous.

Blogging Strogonoff is a light hearted fictional humorous short story joke about blogs and blogging which contains at least one joke and some humor and is copyright Rob Hopcott, all rights reserved. All characters and places in this light hearted fictional humorous short story joke about blogs and blogging are fictitious and no reference is intended to any person or organization, living or otherwise.